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I have been close companions for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered many obstacles, which I admire. However, she has been often blindsided by people. Her spouse walked away, which came as an unexpected event. Several of her friends disappeared during that time, since they had been only interested in him. This surprised her deeply. She put in more effort to be my friend, and must have understood more acutely what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Throughout this period, several of her friends have disappeared without her being sure why. Her last employer turned on her, although she was highly competent, and she left unaware of why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

In recent times, we have each retired and are seeing time together, but I am finding the part I play in the relationship feels one-sided. I start discussion points but she shifts conversation onto her own topics. Politically, she holds firm beliefs. I try to suggest double-checking information or other angles.

She's been planning a holiday to a country I've visited repeatedly even called home for some time. I attempted to share advice, but this was met with resistance. She purely solely sought validation of her plans. I recently returned from 30 days in that place she is eager to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate to be a friend that walks away without a word, however, I feel she can comprehend the impact of her actions on how I feel about myself. Currently, my state is distancing myself. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

You could walk away, however, that approach is seldom the easy answer that we desire. However, addressing it aiming for a solution requires bravery and openness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one requires explaining what typically happens in your conversations. This needs to be objective and clear and essentially exactly what occurs. Step two is to tell the way it leaves you feeling. This allows for no disagreement about this. Your feelings belong to you, naturally. Finally is to question how you are both going to change the pattern between you."

Consider she too has a point of view, meaning you must to be prepared to hear that. An approach that works involves stating her:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably impactful for promoting understanding.

Final Thoughts

Your friend may dismiss everything, for those who cling to a self-protecting mindset: they have a story regarding their experiences they're unable to abandon as it feels essential is tied to it and it's all they've known. This poses a challenge as there is no clear path with these people, only cul-de-sacs. But she may at first react like this before reflecting on your words. And even if you don't achieve an agreement, it will give you closure knowing you were open and direct.